"Sorry" is for little things or little people. If we bump while passing in the kitchen, a quick "Sorry" works. If a little kid destroys a one-of-a-kind autographed baseball that was snagged at an out-of-state Major League Baseball game while on a once-in-a-lifetime trip, "Sorry" is the most one can expect. Since you don't want to be seen as a little kid and you will make big mistakes, be ready to do more, to make amends.
Show remorse as soon as possible. If you aren't really sorry, consider why. All people make mistakes. It's what you do about your mistakes that matters. If a big mistake is made that isn't fully your fault, own the part that is, even if small in comparison. Be brave and be first to make amends.
Say, "I'm sorry" and add details of what went wrong. Avoid adding, "if", because making amends is about owning mistakes.
No: "I'm sorry if you think I called you a jerk." Yes: "I'm sorry I called you a jerk."
Make it right. Say, "I won't (describe mistake) again. I will (explain how you will make it right.)"
Yes: "I won't borrow your stuff and damage it again. I'll replace this broken ipod this weekend."
Ask for forgiveness. Say, "Will you forgive me?" Give the person as long as they need to forgive you. Don't expect forgiveness.
Admitting mistakes can be hard work and feel embarrassing. Yet, asking for and receiving forgiveness is worth the effort because of the rewards it brings: relief, peace, clear conscience, confidence, and positive relationships.
Feeling burdened? Feeling distant from people you care about? Consider making amends. You can do it!
Love,
Mom
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Be Confident
Be confident. Sounds like good advice, but I suspect it is too broad, vague, and confusing. I may be confident in my ability to eat breakfast, but I'm definitely not confident in my ability to throw a baseball without looking like a fool. Confidence in oneself alone doesn't magically bring about wanted results. Consider all the contestants on Wipe Out who lose.
I find it more realistic, and less burdensome, to look for specific ways to place confidence, much of which is outside of oneself. Be confident in love. Be confident in good character such as being trustworthy, respectful, responsible, and serving. Be confident in talent and interest combined with skill and hard work.
And know that I have great confidence in you.
Love,
Mom
I find it more realistic, and less burdensome, to look for specific ways to place confidence, much of which is outside of oneself. Be confident in love. Be confident in good character such as being trustworthy, respectful, responsible, and serving. Be confident in talent and interest combined with skill and hard work.
God indeed is my savior; I am confident and unafraid. My strength and my courage is the LORD, and he has been my savior. Isaiah 12:2Ultimately, be confident in God.
And know that I have great confidence in you.
Love,
Mom
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Look Up
Looking down on another person is weak, selfish, dramatic, and dumb. The person looking down can often look strong, important, popular, and smart. Look again. The act of looking down on another person - their personhood (dignity, soul, mystery) is objectively wrong at all times. Looking down is weak because it is easy. Looking down is selfish because it builds one up at the expense of another. Looking down is dramatic because it is often unnecessary public posturing. Looking down is dumb because the list of reasons to be looked down upon is often arbitrary and superficial; skin color, grades, weight, clothes, neighborhood, team affiliation, articulation, quirks, physical limitations, style of worship...really?
It takes a lot of strength to be kind to, and respect, others; especially those who are different from us, those who we disagree with, and/or those whose behaviors are awful. Thinking beyond oneself to see the other person is hard, especially when their behaviors are hurtful or wrong. Taking garbage from others while holding firmly to personal dignity is courageous. Sifting through the differences between the person and their behaviors, objectively knowing right from wrong, and prioritizing behaviors worth addressing is really, really, smart. To pray for those who act as our enemies is heroic.
Dr. Suess tells us, "A person's a person no matter how small." The bible tells us, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free person, there is not male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." We are each perfectly small and of infinite worth to God. Whether we're being tempted to look down on someone or someone is looking down on us, God is above it all. He is the one who will love and guide us, strengthen our character, and comfort us in our suffering. We simply need to look up.
Love,
Mom
It takes a lot of strength to be kind to, and respect, others; especially those who are different from us, those who we disagree with, and/or those whose behaviors are awful. Thinking beyond oneself to see the other person is hard, especially when their behaviors are hurtful or wrong. Taking garbage from others while holding firmly to personal dignity is courageous. Sifting through the differences between the person and their behaviors, objectively knowing right from wrong, and prioritizing behaviors worth addressing is really, really, smart. To pray for those who act as our enemies is heroic.
Dr. Suess tells us, "A person's a person no matter how small." The bible tells us, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free person, there is not male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." We are each perfectly small and of infinite worth to God. Whether we're being tempted to look down on someone or someone is looking down on us, God is above it all. He is the one who will love and guide us, strengthen our character, and comfort us in our suffering. We simply need to look up.
Love,
Mom
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